Eugene, day one

I don't quite understand why I am perceived so negatively by some. I feel pretty well-reasoned and I don't really feel like I'm asking for so much and yet I am taking a beating in some ways. My stepsister left a pretty intense comment on a recent blog of mine. I understand that what I'm doing is a pretty intense project and kinda dangerous. I'd like it if my family could be more supportive. It seems as though I fell from some wholly unrealistic pedestal and that just shall not be tolerated. I feel like no one has really talked to me very much enough to treat me so negatively. It seems like whenever I do have a good conversation with people about the mission/project/philosophical experiment that I'm undertaking, I am usually met with positive regard. It sucks that I have so much drama to work through, but that is my task at hand. Why does some personal growth work seem so intuitive to me that when I take it on, plain as day, in my eyes with a cost:benefit ratio so reasonable. One year of not making much money and allowing a father to provide solely for a change, in order to gain a lifetime of experience and personal development that will eventually translate into money and/or a really sustainable future? What's this stability thing people freak out on? I'm sorry to air some laundry publicly, but it's gotta be done some times. I'm sorry some people get embarrassed by the things I write. I try to be reasonable with what's public and what's friend only and such, but I also have to work on my PR and I'm getting there. I promise. Maybe I'm just getting there in an odd way that no one ever expected. So little time has passed and so relatively few dollars have I borrowed for this experience. To everyone who needs their money, I shall pay it eventually. Or give your asses a place to live-work after the apocalypse hits and I'm the fucking mother goose who sowed the wheat/corn/vegetables, what have you. And who's gonna be looking for bread in the autumn? I've always provided and will again soon. In families, I thought people got each other's back unconditionally and shit. I so resent that people have bragged about me and sometimes it feels like they needed my medical license more than I do. =/

Anyway. the truth is, I'm not ready for Hollywood yet. I have been being tested for my outgoingness and only sliding by. I shall build myself up in Eugene for a bit. It seems like I'm just short of everything. I am 8 months away from a medical license (the legal right to diagnose and prescribe). I am few months to few years away from any number of other trainings that could put me in another profession. But yo. I've been in school forever. Why did that last 8 months have to be so painstaken?

I think I should be able to talk about what's gone on in my soul for the past 2 years and why that has served me more than a well-paying job. So few people have been willing to go there with me and yet: what is the soul worth to you? Do people value it so little as to turn away the hermit every time? Or do some people massively covet the hermit, knowing that I'm going to turn straw into gold or some other divine currency any day. I wish I could make people understand my perspective better.