two years ago today

Hi, everyone. I don't post to blogspot much, having some sense in the comfort in the history and hint of security of myspace. At least I know who might be reading instead of anyone who Google's me can read all about my life. But I'm about to get quite public and thought that some blanket over what's all over the internet might be good for my new job as public community college teacher and entrepreneur.

I have finally landed in my life, in the geography I feel second-most called to, about to start my dream career, splitting my professional time between teaching, healing and writing. I have envisioned this for a long time, the seeds of which were planted in early May 2006, when I was out of school, waiting for graduation, and took my then almost-3-year-old daughter to visit my sister in Portland, Oregon. Over the week, I processed a lot of therapy-realizations I had and determined that I was ready to end my 4 year marriage/ 6-year relationship. There was much "Boys for Pele" about, as the album I spent hours trying to buy and burn to a disc for the long road-trip. Again and again, like the vegan love truffle that Anastasia wanted more of.

These are the kinds of things I blog about. I have been living and publishing publicly about most aspects of my life for a little over two years, when "258" started. http://scaadium.com/projects. If one browses my website or reads this or the other blog or watches my Youtube videos (scaadium) they might have some idea about the intriguing madness I've been living, and in my experience, this tends to lead to stalking. I guess I'm interesting. But I'm really humble about it, chillin' in the chain-coffee shop that is supposedly gonna give me money some day, wearing a paint-splattered hoodie that advertises my older daughter's high school in Fair Oaks, California, that is so involved in the "258" saga that we are a most scandalous family around those parts.

I read my own material and feel like ducking under a table. It is sometimes embarrassing to review the decisions I made in a given moment, especially when my higher self has gained perspective or insight that would have me make a different decision now. People have different expectations on a messiah, in terms of (NOT) working for intelligence, making "Michael Corleone" decisions, as I sorta was in September and October. But if some chain-smoking jar head orders another 5-digit troop increase to a war to steal Opium, it's socially expected.

So, two years ago today, I agreed to let my mom pick me up in Orange County, California after I lost "258" and was about to be thrown in a psych ward for the government to blow enough snow to cover-up the near collapse of the functioning world as only I could accomplish. It really happened and there will be a movie someday, based on just Jan/Feb 2008, but it will be framed as sub-fiction and everyone can rest-assured that the decision-making in Washington D.C. is still left to elected representatives (virtually owned by corporate and religious interests). It's very exciting to be an informed citizen.

In the interval two years, I have been under an enormous level of control, in terms of which jobs I could work, given the geographic hostility over what happened in "258" and the government not wanting me to be discovered publicly. Mostly, I worked on my soul-development and healing skills, through odd jobs and philosophic work. I also logged a lot of hours of hands-on therapy, self-healing and kinesthetic work. I lived on two different farms and in care-giving and other group-living situations, really getting to know people.

And thus I feel ready to start my practice as a Shaman/Holistic Advisor...

[re-reading a year later, I wish the healer practice would have manifested instead of the continued hell of institutional psychiatric and correctional systems education I got.]