Depends on what the definition of crazy IS

I heard that when Bill Clinton was testifying about the Monica Lewinsky ordeal, he said at some point, "It depends on what the meaning of is, is," with reference to my favorite political power. I have been writing without posting because I have been dealing with a bunch of psychiatric bullshit for the last 6 months and a print-out of this blog was the first thing everyone saw in my chart. Because like so many other people that meet government-dictated psychiatric criteria for psychosis, I write about other planes, aliens, telepathy, clairvoyance and reality hacking. But unlike most people I know who also endorse such beliefs, I ended up on psychiatric radar for trying to leave my human body.

I thought Oregon was the progressive "Right to Die" state, which was part of my choice to stage my hospice vacation and death there, in October 2010. Various things went wrong in my plan (or right in the view of the current status of respiring as a physical plane Being) and I was eventually locked up against my will and medicated according to the standard of care for people that speak about psychic phenomena: high-dose atypical anti-psychotic pharmacotherapy. Of course, that's the standard treatment for visiting a psychiatrist at all, I think, given that those medications are FDA approved for everything from depression and anxiety to channeling demons, regardless of the side-effect: benefit ratio.

I wrote a couple of aggravated articles in the newspaper of the Portland Oregon State Hospital (POSH) about populace management, pharmacolonization and the situation of trying to control human behavior according to ideas of true reality sponsored by WHO? I'm not embarrassed to have been a patient in a Psychiatric State Hospital. I was embarrassed for the physicians/psychiatrists acting like I had a psychotic disorder and forcing me to risk enormous health side-effects from medications because I spoke about telepathy, like countless millions of people the fact of which is a huge share of Barnes & Noble's livelihood. If I had published before trying to kill myself, I would be taken more seriously, right? So, I have spent a fair amount of energy over the past few months verbalizing against this system that I once trained in, but left because I had a sense of higher purpose than prescribing medications to treat people's soul and life-circumstance problems.

I "hear" telepathically (like so much of my very publically known communications are conveyed) that if I would just shut up about the World Health Organization (WHO) and Allied Industries controlling the populace in ways that seem anti-humanistic or unethical, I would get paid like everyone else that knows the truth about the "Zeitgeist" situation, but doesn't let it get to them to the point of wishing to continue existence as an Incorporeal Being without all this human pain. But something in me feels the need to speak about the wrongness in Psychiatry purporting to understand and treat neurochemical problems, as if healing someone, when their clients are either involuntary or have encountered psychiatry because of a poor social and cultural framework for managing emotions and other soul issues.

But as I noted on my CV/resume supplement, this experience was, in many ways, just another rotation in my training: Educational Intensive in Institutional Psychiatry. Because I'll walk around with "Psychosis NOS" scrawled on my face with Sharpie Ink if someone actually can argue against the obviousness of my life path including everything it has around exposing psychiatry. Contrary to some rumors, I wasn't fired from training. I left UCLA in 2007, citing my difficulty with participating in what seemed to me to be human rights violations.

Obviously, I am still pretty irate about being held in institutions with minimal freedom (and variable safety from other patients) on a civil commitment for almost 6 months, by clinicians that were pitiful. I was placed on the discharge planning list when I approached my attending psychiatrist, informing her that the resident in charge of my case hadn't rounded on me in 4 weeks. Like I said, I'm not embarrassed that they pulled a bunch of language out of their butts to make me sound like a psych patient. I would be embarrassed to be them, tailoring language (as I learned in my training) to make someone sound really sick in the beginning, to justify hospitalization and then make them sound really good for discharge, so that the medicolegal bases are covered and in some cases, so that the Insurance Company will pay.

So, the update: I am back in the Bay Area of California, complying with my court probation for the political demonstration in Fall of 2009. I'm also eating a lot, after having almost no choice over my food options for 6 months.